Key Takeaways

• Temper tantrums are sudden outbursts of frustration and anger that bubble up and become unmanageable.

• Tantrums are a normal part of development as your child strives for independence and control.

• While tantrum behavior usually resolves on its own, you may want to seek professional help if it worsens or becomes more frequent.

Tantrums are a natural part of child development. They can also be frustrating for parents, especially since they can be difficult to understand, prevent, and cope with as they occur.

In this discussion, we'll explore why 5-year-olds have temper tantrums, how you should respond, and when you should be concerned.

Why Do 5-Year-Olds Scream When They Don't Get Their Way?

If your child cannot get what they want or is asked to do something they don't want to do, screaming can help release those intense emotions.

Additionally, screaming may serve as a way for them to seek attention and comfort. In some cases, screaming might result from sensory overload.

Emotional Development at Age 5

At 5 years old, your child is beginning to understand other people's feelings and needs. They are also still developing their emotional regulation skills.

Tantrums are a normal aspect of this process as they learn to identify, manage, and express emotions.

Frustration and Impulse Control 

Younger children are still in the process of developing communication skills and understanding their feelings.

When they can't express their needs or get what they want, a tantrum may result. In some cases, fatigue and hunger may decrease your child's tolerance for frustration.

Children who are diagnosed with certain conditions (such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) may also find it more difficult to control their impulses.

Is It a Tantrum or a Power Struggle?

 In many cases, your child's temper tantrum may seem more like a power struggle. As they get older, children develop a stronger sense of independence.

This means they also want more control over their environment, which is often more than they can handle. When a child thinks, "I can do this myself," and then finds out that they can't or that you are setting boundaries they think are unreasonable, a power-struggle-related tantrum may ensue.

How To Respond to Screaming in the Moment

Dealing with tantrums can be stressful. However, you can successfully de-escalate the situation in a few ways while helping your child calm down. 

Staying Calm and Avoiding Overreaction

You must remember to remain calm when your child starts screaming.

Model appropriate emotional regulation, take a few deep breaths, and validate your child's feelings. Then, either ignore the tantrum or offer a choice, a distraction, or a quiet place to calm down.

Setting Clear Expectations for Behavior 

Make sure to communicate your expectations for your child's behavior. Let them know how you expect them to behave, and be consistent.

If your child begins to scream, calmly (and consistently) implement the consequences you have set for such behavior.

Using a Calm and Firm Tone To Address the Issue 

Children learn through observation. By demonstrating how to manage emotions and calmly resolve problems, you model the behaviors you wish to see in them.

Approaching your child with heightened emotions or yelling will not solve the issue and will likely worsen things.

Teaching the "Pause and Breathe" Technique

Introduce the "pause and breathe" technique to your child during a non-stressful moment. This technique helps your child learn to regulate their big emotions by taking a series of slow and deep breaths.

You can model this technique by breathing in and out slowly three times. Then, have them try it. The next time they feel overwhelmed, encourage them to pause and breathe. Make sure to praise their efforts after they are done.

Teaching Your Child To Express Frustration Without Screaming

Teaching your child to express their feelings and frustrations without yelling can help prevent tantrums.

By showing your child how to identify their emotions, fostering independent problem-solving skills, and instilling patience, you can assist them in regaining control when they feel overwhelmed.

Helping Your Child Identify Their Emotions 

Labeling emotions, especially during or after a tantrum, can help your child develop the emotional vocabulary necessary to understand their own feelings.

By naming these feelings, you validate your child's emotions, giving them the language to express themselves more thoroughly without resorting to screaming.

Encouraging Problem-Solving and Negotiation Skills

By fostering thoughtful responses instead of reactive behavior, you can guide your child in developing problem-solving skills while reducing tantrums.

For example, if your child has a tantrum because a puzzle piece won't fit, encourage them to try placing it at a different angle. This lesson teaches your child that there are more constructive ways to handle frustrating or difficult situations.

Using Visual Cues or Social Stories To Teach Patience

Often, temper tantrums result from a child's lack of patience, whether it's waiting for their turn or participating in an activity. You can use visual cues to help your child visualize the passage of time. This makes waiting a more manageable process, especially for younger children. You can use a sand timer, a stopwatch, or even a countdown clock. 

Social stories are another useful way to teach children patience. They create relatable narratives using simple visuals and language. You can depict a scenario in which waiting is to be expected, and what positive outcomes can result from patience.

These stories help your child better understand the benefits of turn-taking, patient,e and not having a tantrum when they cannot get their way.

Helpful Tips To Reduce Screaming Behavior 

Most 5-year-old temper tantrums will only last for a few minutes.

By remaining consistent with your expectations, using calm-down or time-in spaces, and strengthening your bond, you can help them quickly recover from their tantrums and even reduce their frequency.

Establishing Consistent Routines and Expectations

Children benefit from consistency. Consistency fosters emotional security, a sense of safety, and trust. Unexpected changes paired with a lack of emotional regulation and communication skills can cause your child to feel overwhelmed and prone to tantrums.

Stick to your routines as much as possible and make your expectations for behavior clear before any outing or event.

Using Calm-Down Spaces or Time-Ins Instead of Time-Outs 

Calm-down spaces or time-ins can be more beneficial than time-outs. A time-in involves remaining with your child during emotional distress to comfort and guide them.

By validating your child's emotions, you can help them calm down while reassuring them.

Strengthening the Parent-Child Connection To Build Cooperation

When your 5-year-old feels safe and secure with you, they are more likely to cooperate with your requests. The next time your child begins screaming, validate their emotions, use gentle language, and speak softly.

Identify the trigger and help your child explore alternative ways to solve the problem. Once the tantrum subsides, try connecting with your child to help them better understand their feelings and the positive choices they can make the next time they feel upset.

Bottom Line

Tantrums are typically not a cause for concern. Usually, children will eventually outgrow them. However, if your child is experiencing frequent tantrums, self-harming, or harming others during these episodes, you may want to seek professional help.

Emora Health can connect your family with a child therapist who can help your child develop better emotional regulation and healthier coping mechanisms. By working with a therapist, your child can receive the specialized support needed to overcome temper tantrums.