Key Takeaways
Pathological lying involves a consistent pattern of telling others things you know are false.
For some children, the urge to lie can become so strong that it is difficult to overcome.
Collaborating with a therapist can assist your child in developing strategies to overcome this behavior.
Does your child insist they just cleaned their room, but a sudden gust of wind from the window messed it up again?
Do they deny pushing their sibling, even though you saw it happen?
If these lies frequently occur, you might worry about their behavior and whether you're raising a pathological liar. Here, we'll discuss why your child lies and how to help them become more honest.
What Is Pathological Lying in Children?
Pathological lying occurs when a child frequently lies, even without apparent benefit or need. While occasional lying can be developmentally normal, pathological lying is often linked to underlying behavioral or emotional issues that may require professional attention.
How To Tell if Your Child Is Lying
Several signs may indicate your child isn't being completely honest, including:
Their story contains inconsistencies and contradictory statements.
They don't offer specific details or give vague answers.
Their pitch may change, and they may talk faster than usual.
They may stutter or have trouble speaking when explaining their story.
In addition, children often exhibit physical signals when lying. They may avoid eye contact or attempt to put physical distance between themselves and the person they are deceiving.
Different Types of Lying
Some people use the terms "pathological liar" and "compulsive liar" interchangeably.
However, the distinction between these two types of lies is intent. A pathological liar will lie without any clear reason or motive. In such cases, your child may claim that something happened when it did not, even when there is no reason for them to do so.
A compulsive liar may lie to obtain something they want or need or to avoid punishment. This behavior is much more common among children. For example, your child might insist they didn't have a slice of cake, even when their hands and mouth are full of crumbs.
Why Do Some Children Lie Pathologically?
There are numerous reasons why your child might lie. Sometimes, they may lie to hide the truth or gain something they desire. At other times, they may lie to prevent disappointing their parent or to evade trouble.
Emotional and Psychological Factors
Pathological lying often arises from a combination of psychological and emotional factors, including:
Low self-esteem or self-worth leads them to lie for validation.
Using lies to cope with difficult emotions or perceived flaws.
Lying as a survival mechanism due to trauma from neglect or abuse.
Insecurity drives them to lie to feel more accepted by others.
Behavioral and Environmental Influences
Many children strive to please their parents. When parents raise their children in a loving home, they may first lie when they realize they have done something wrong.
The fear of disappointing their parents and receiving punishment is the driving factor behind the lie. In many situations, children who compulsively lie have parents who maintain very high standards of expectations and behavior.
In other situations, children raised by parents who also lie to avoid consequences may exhibit learned behavioral patterns of deceit and dishonesty.
Possible Underlying Conditions
While lying is developmentally normal for children, there are some links between pathological lying and dysfunction in areas of the brain that are responsible for executive functioning and impulse control.
Pathological lying can sometimes be a symptom of mental health conditions where emotional regulation or impulse control is affected. These conditions include conduct disorders and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
Some children with anxiety may also lie about how they are feeling so their caregivers do not worry about them.
How To Respond When Your Child Lies
It's normal to feel upset if you discover your child has lied to you. However, the way you respond can turn the situation into a valuable learning experience.
Staying Calm and Avoiding Confrontation
If your child has lied, it's important to remain calm and avoid an angry confrontation. Don't corner your child or label them a liar.
Labeling them can lead them to believe that you will never trust them, even if they tell the truth, which could establish a future pattern of dishonesty.
Instead, let them know that you are aware of their lie and allow them the opportunity to make things right. If they keep lying, refrain from overreacting and continue encouraging them to be honest.
Encouraging Honesty Through Positive Reinforcement
A child who knows they will receive harsh punishment will not feel incentivized to tell the truth. If you're aware that they lied, you can say something similar to the following statements to encourage them to be honest with you:
“You’ll get in much less trouble if you tell me the truth instead of continuing to lie.”
“I want us to always believe each other, which is why I want you to tell me the truth just as I would tell you the truth.”
By expressing your reasons for honesty in a calm, affirming manner and letting them know the consequences will not be as severe, your child may feel more motivated to come clean.
Setting Clear Boundaries and Consequences
Children should understand that there will be repercussions throughout life if they lie. However, for lies that aren't too serious, ensure that the consequences you implement are also not too harsh.
For example, they may lose their phone for the day or have to do chores for lying. This way, your child has time to reflect on their behavior and feel more encouraged to tell the truth in the future.
Depending on the severity of the lie, you should also address what the lie was about. For example, if your child claims not to have had homework all week but you find out they did, they must sit down and complete all their assignments in addition to their consequences.
Building a Trust-Based Relationship
Building a truth-based relationship is one of the best ways to encourage honesty in your child. When they see you modeling honest behavior, they are more likely to do the same. Open communication and teaching emotional regulation are also important ways to instill honesty.
Open Communication Strategies
Build a relationship with your child that encourages open dialogue and practice active listening. Maintain eye contact, reflect on their statements, and respond to what they say. These habits foster a positive environment for open, honest communication.
Teaching Emotional Regulation and Self-Awareness
To cultivate emotional regulation and self-awareness in children who compulsively lie, use strategies like modeling and role-playing to help them manage their emotions.
These activities can allow them to recognize when they may feel tempted to lie. Additionally, you can support your children by helping them learn to think before they react.
When To Seek Professional Help
If your child continues a pattern of lying or the lies are becoming more significant despite your efforts, you may want to seek out mental health support.
Emora Health offers a robust network of professional child therapists who can help your child overcome compulsive lying. By searching for a child therapist, you can provide them with the support they need to feel more comfortable being honest and change their pattern of behavior.
Read More:
Sources
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If you or your child is experiencing a mental health emergency or crisis, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately.
For immediate support, you can also contact:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
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