Key Takeaways
Toddler aggression can be disruptive, but it is also a normal part of childhood.
Primary causes of aggression include frustration, curiosity, mood disorders and impulsivity.
There are various ways to manage childhood aggression, including professional therapy.
It can be challenging for adults to manage their emotions. However, some children struggle particularly hard. Between ages 1 to 3, your toddler begins to experience emotional highs and lows.
Consequently, they may also exhibit aggressive behavior. It's entirely normal to question whether your toddler's aggression is typical. Here, we'll explore the reasons behind toddler aggression, identify when there's a reason for concern, and discuss what to do next.
Why Is My 3-Year-Old Aggressive?
Handling 3-year-old aggression can be challenging. During the toddler years, your child has not yet developed self-control.
While not all children lash out by kicking and hitting, some do. Several factors may increase the likelihood of a child acting aggressively:
Temperament - Highly active and excitable children may have difficulty controlling their impulses.
Life experiences - Major life changes can lead to increased aggression. When children face challenging events such as separation, the loss of someone close, or witnessing violence, they may find it hard to cope with their feelings. This inability leaves them struggling to self-regulate and calm themselves down.
Development and age - Your toddler's brain is still in the early stages of development, and they may not have the words to express their feelings. This lack of vocabulary can lead to frustration and aggressive outbursts.
Additionally, some children seek sensory input and enjoy the feeling of running into objects, including other people.
They might indulge in these behaviors more often if their sensory needs outweigh their impulse control.
Normal Developmental Behavior vs. Concern for Aggression
Aggressive behavior is usually nothing to be concerned about and will likely decrease as your toddler gets better at using language to express their emotions.
However, your toddler should never become so violent that they are physically hurting others or themselves. Although some toddler aggression is normal, you may need to be concerned if:
They are frequently removed from their school or classroom due to aggressive behavior.
Your toddler physically hurts themselves as well as other people or pets.
They have difficulty making friends and relating to their peers.
Their aggressive outbursts are intense and frequent.
If your toddler matches the above criteria, your best course of action may be to seek professional help from a therapist.
Common Triggers for Aggressive Behavior in 3-Year-Olds
While not every child experiences the same triggers, the most common ones include the following:
Impulsivity
Frustration
Curiosity
Fatigue
Hunger
Feeling overwhelmed
Sometimes, your toddler's aggression may be experimental.
They may think, "What will happen if I bite Molly?" or "What if I push Jane down?" In other cases, they may have seen a sibling act aggressively and mimic that behavior.
How Frustration and Communication Can Lead to Aggression
Toddlers are just starting to grasp language. However, they may not have the right words to express their emotions.
Toddlers lack impulse control, making it hard to manage their reactions when experiencing intense feelings. As a result, they may act out physically due to the frustration of being unable to convey what they want or need.
Effective Strategies To Reduce Aggression in 3-Year-Olds
If you are concerned about your toddler's aggression, visiting their pediatrician first is important.
Your toddler's behaviors may have an underlying cause that warrants professional intervention.
Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, undiagnosed learning disabilities, autism, and anxiety may have symptoms similar to aggression or make it difficult to communicate.
Teaching Alternative Ways To Express Emotions
Teach your toddler how to express their anger or frustration in ways that do not hurt others. The best method for teaching these behaviors is to model them yourself.
You can also help them develop the right vocabulary to articulate their emotions.
Teach them techniques like deep breathing, physical activities (such as running or playing with toys), and spending quiet time in a bedroom or corner to help calm them down and express their feelings without using aggression.
Using Positive Reinforcement To Encourage Good Behavior
Positive reinforcement is an effective way to help your toddler learn how to control their behavior.
Set up a reward system, such as giving them a token when they use a more appropriate way to show their emotions.
At the end of the day or week, they can trade these tokens for something they want, like ice cream, screen time, or a small toy.
Setting Clear and Consistent Boundaries
When your child acts aggressively, it's important to set clear and consistent boundaries, indicating that this behavior is not okay.
Be firm and let them know the consequences if they continue being aggressive, and be consistent when you follow up with discipline.
Helping Your Child Recognize and Label Their Emotions
Be sure to name your toddler's emotions as they experience them.
By consistently identifying their feelings at the moment and validating their emotions, you help them develop the vocabulary they need to understand how they feel.
How To Respond in the Moment When Aggression Happens
Responding appropriately to your child's aggressive behavior can be challenging, especially if it's happening in a public place.
Fortunately, there are several things you can do to de-escalate the situation.
Staying Calm and Avoiding Escalation
When parenting your angry toddler, do not show aggression or yell at them, as this will escalate the situation. Additionally, never resort to hitting your child. This sends them the message that it's okay to hit others.
Using Redirection and Distraction
By teaching your child how to channel their aggression into something else rather than towards people, they can learn more appropriate coping techniques.
For example, if your child is upset, offer them a toy or another safe object to play with. You may even redirect their aggression to a pillow.
The Importance of Consistent Consequences
When disciplining your child's aggressive behavior, it's important to remain consistent with your consequences.
Consistency will teach your toddler that aggressive outbursts have repercussions. This creates predictability and understanding of what is acceptable behavior, which can help them develop self-control.
When To Be Concerned About Aggressive Behavior
To some degree, aggressive behavior is normal in childhood due to a lack of impulse control.
However, if your toddler's aggression is interfering with their ability to learn and function and is also affecting their life at their preschool, you may need to reach out for professional help.
Therapy and Behavior Intervention Options
Your 3-year-old may benefit from therapy and behavioral intervention techniques that can shape positive behavior and coping strategies.
For example, cognitive behavioral therapy can help your toddler identify triggers and develop better ways to manage their behavior.
Some parents benefit from parent management training, which helps caregivers identify and change unhelpful patterns of interacting with their toddlers that increase aggressive behavior.
If your toddler is also living with autism or other developmental disabilities, applied behavioral analysis can reduce aggression and other problematic behaviors.
Aggression during the early childhood years is common and, in most cases, nothing to worry about.
However, if you are concerned and would like professional help, Emora Health is here for you. Through Emora Health, you can locate the right child therapist to improve your 3-year-old's aggression and restore peace in your home.
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If you or your child is experiencing a mental health emergency or crisis, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately.
For immediate support, you can also contact:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
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