Key Takeaways
It’s important to differentiate between developmentally appropriate fears and excessive fear that may indicate an anxiety disorder.
Parents can support their fearful child by validating their emotions, encouraging gradual exposure to fear triggers, and teaching coping strategies.
If fear is interfering with your child’s daily life, professional support can help you build confidence.
It’s completely normal for children to feel scared sometimes. Every child has fears; monsters under the bed, dark places, and needles are common ones.
Some fears are common depending on developmental age, and others stem from specific experiences or personality differences.
But if your child’s fears seem extreme or persistent, it may be a sign of something more. They may be dealing with an anxiety disorder.
This article explains the difference between normal fears and excessive fear, and what parents can do to help.
Why Is My Child Scared of Everything?
It's completely normal for children to feel worried and frightened at times. These fears can depend on the child's developmental age.
For example, toddlers might have separation anxiety or be afraid of the dark. Teens could have fears about being judged by their peers.
It's important to understand what types of fears are "normal" to differentiate whether your child is truly scared of everything or only of appropriate things that cause fear for most kids their age.
Situational fears are also normal. For example, if your child was exposed to a scary movie about aliens, then it would only be natural for them to develop a fear of aliens. Some children are also naturally more timid than others. Cultural values play a big role in this.
Anxiety
If your child's fears feel like they're not limited to these things, then it’s possible that have an underlying anxiety disorder.
There are many different types of anxiety disorders, but generalized anxiety disorder can cause excessive fears and worries about everyday situations.
It can be worrying to hear that your child may have anxiety, but anxiety disorders can be successfully treated. Many children overcome anxiety and grow to be thriving adults.
Neurodevelopmental disorders
In some cases, severe anxiety could be related to a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Many children with these conditions develop heightened fear and anxiety because of difficulties in social situations and sensory sensitivities.
Trauma
Lastly, trauma can also make a child appear to be afraid of everything.
Traumatic events that children commonly experience include being a victim of child maltreatment, witnessing domestic violence, or living in a war zone or a violent neighborhood.
Trauma can cause hypervigilance, which is which is a heightened state of alertness where a child is constantly scanning for danger, even in safe situations.
This can make them seem excessively fearful, startle easily, or have a hard time relaxing.
How to Help a Fearful Child
As a parent, it can be worrying to observe your child show fear of everything.
On top of professional support when necessary, your support — as the most important person in your child's life — can make a big difference. Here are some tips:
Validate Their Feelings Without Reinforcing Fear
Children need their feelings to be validated, especially by their primary caregivers.
But validating your child's feelings doesn't mean agreeing with or giving credence to the content of their fears. There are ways that you can validate their underlying emotions without agreeing that their fears are reasonable.
Avoid saying anything that may be perceived as invalidating.
Some invalidating comments include:
“You have nothing to be afraid of.”
“You're being silly. It's not scary at all.”
Be especially careful of avoiding any statements that could cause shame, like:
“You're such a baby.”
“You're a big boy now, and you need to toughen up.”
Instead, focus on their underlying emotions. Trying to help soothe their fears can be helpful, but validation is necessary first.
You might say something like: “I can see that you're feeling so scared right now. I know what it's like to feel scared too. It's okay to be scared, and I've also seen you be so brave and overcome your fears before. Why don't we try that together now?”
If your child still isn't ready for this step, then try validating their emotions and asking them to describe more about their emotions and what it would take for them to feel ready to conquer their fears.
Encourage Gradual Exposure to Fear Triggers
One of the most effective therapy methods for many different types of anxiety disorders is a type of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) called exposure therapy. In exposure therapy, the therapist guides clients to gradually expose themselves to their fears little by little while using effective coping strategies. Slowly, the fears begin to lose their power.
Although you can't fully do exposure therapy at home, you can borrow some components of it. Try to encourage your child to take small steps toward conquering their fears. Even baby steps should be celebrated and rewarded.
Some children respond better to praise and parental attention as a reward, while others prefer more tangible rewards. The key is to choose rewards that motivate your child.
Teach Coping Strategies for Anxiety and Fear
All children, especially those with fears and anxiety, can benefit from learning basic relaxation techniques to calm the nervous system.
When humans are faced with a perceived threat or danger, the stress response activates—this leads to the release of a hormone called cortisol and physical changes like a faster heartbeat, fast and shallow breathing, and tense muscles.
Evidence-based relaxation strategies have been shown to calm your nervous system's stress response, which lets your body know that you're safe.
Even young children can learn basic techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.
Try to teach them these techniques in developmentally appropriate ways; you can use online resources like YouTube, but make sure that the creators have a background in childhood mental health.
Avoid Overprotecting and Accommodating Every Fear
When your child is so afraid, it can be tempting to want to protect them from any danger, real or perceived.
It also may feel easier sometimes to simply avoid and accommodate your child’s fears — you might worry about tantrums or meltdowns if you don’t.
But remember that avoiding fear triggers can make anxiety and worry worse. As tempting as it is, don't become overprotective. For example, consistently allowing your child to stay home from school because of their fear may be counterproductive.
Of course, if your child's fears are reasonable and specific — for example, if they're afraid of haunted houses or snakes, or if they're afraid to go to school because another student is bullying them — it's perfectly fine to accommodate and try to protect them.
Model Confidence and Resilience
Sometimes, children learn fears from their parents.
This is only natural. For example, if you are afraid of spiders, then your child may have observed your behaviors and learned to be afraid of spiders as well. Anxiety disorders also have a genetic component, so if your child lives with anxiety, then you may have it too.
This is why it's so important not only to take care of your child but to take care of your own mental health as well. If you do live with an anxiety disorder, get treatment and learn strategies to cope. Try to model confidence and courage for your child.
This doesn't mean that they need to believe that you're a superhero who's not afraid of anything, but try to help them learn from watching you that it's possible to overcome their fears.
When to Be Concerned About Anxiety Disorders
If your child truly seems to be afraid of everything consistently, to the point where it's interfering with their daily activities, then they may live with generalized anxiety disorder.
Other anxiety disorders cause different types of fears.
For example, specific phobias are excessive fears of an animal, place, or situation (like the phobia of heights). Separation anxiety is an excessive fear of being away from caregivers.
Whether or not your child has a diagnosable anxiety disorder, if they're so afraid of things that it's impacting their quality of life, then they deserve support.
A child therapist can help them understand their fears, build coping skills, and work toward feeling more secure in everyday situations.
Takeaway
Fear is a normal part of childhood, but excessive fear that disrupts daily life may be a sign of an anxiety disorder.
Helping your child gradually face their fears, learn coping strategies, and build confidence can make a big difference.
If your child's fears feel overwhelming, professional support can provide the tools they need to feel safer and more secure.
At Emora Health, we have a team of child therapists who specialize in supporting children through both everyday fears as well as anxiety disorders. On top of working with your child, we can work with you to teach you how to best support your child at home.
Sign up today to get started. We’re here for you.
Sources
Laporte, P. P., Pan, P. M., Hoffmann, M. S., Wakschlag, L. S., Rohde, L. A., Miguel, E. C., Pine, D. S., Manfro, G. G., & Salum, G. A. (2017). Specific and social fears in children and adolescents: separating normative fears from problem indicators and phobias. Brazilian Journal of Psychiatry, 39(2), 118–125. https://doi.org/10.1590/1516-4446-2016-2064
Van Steensel, F. J. A., & Heeman, E. J. (2017). Anxiety Levels in Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Child and Family Studies, 26(7), 1753–1767. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10826-017-0687-7
Whiteside, S. P. H., Sim, L. A., Morrow, A. S., Farah, W. H., Hilliker, D. R., Murad, M. H., & Wang, Z. (2019). A meta-analysis to guide the Enhancement of CBT for Childhood Anxiety: Exposure over Anxiety Management. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 23(1), 102–121. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-019-00303-2
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If you or your child is experiencing a mental health emergency or crisis, please call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room immediately.
For immediate support, you can also contact:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 or 1-800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
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